General Chitchat for September.

Katie, I noticed she or somebody deleted her account within an hour of her first post. Sometimes I forget there are so many sick people in this world.

CONGRATULATIONS on being nominated for Best Entertainment Blog Katie. You've given us the best. Thanks for all your hard work.

Many thanks - now go ahead and vote!!!!!!

Tried to vote, it wouldn't accept my password. Don't know why. I asked for a new password via email. As soon as I get it I'll vote. YEA

When you registered, you put in your own password, didn't you?

Yes I put in COH password.

Then why would you ask them for a password. You just can't login until you get that confirmation email from them. I got mine very fast and you have to use their link and it brings you to site already logged in. If you haven't gotten it yet, maybe you should re-register.

I asked them for a new password because they wouldn't accept my COH password. Re-registered at least 5 times, still no email.

I used cindigirl as my user name which should be correct.

cindigirl wrote:Yes I put in COH password.

No!!!! You need to enter the password you gave them when you registered on their site. Their site has nothing to do with this site.

But as Pattygirl says, you need to click on the verification email that they send you to confirm registration first.

Ooooo, I'm a Clooney-phile now. I feel so...dirrrty... I like it.

Okay now, woke up with blistering headache. Gloomy day here in Northeast. Gonna rain soon. Checked emails and my wonderful sister-in-law (6 mo. my senior) sent me my mind taxer for today. Now I'm giving it to you (won't tell you how I did).

THIS MAY BE A "Little" DIFFICULT FOR ALL WHO ARE OVER 60 .THOSE YOUNGER THAN THIS WILL HAVE NO HOPE AT ALL.

DEMENTIA QUIZ

FIRST QUESTION:

YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG!
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND
PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!

TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?

SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL DOWN)

~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE.....
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??

YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?

THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE: THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR. TRY IT.

TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 ... NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....

~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?

MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT.... MAYBE...

FOURTH QUESTION:
MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4.. NONO, AND ???
WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF:

A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE.

NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT....
DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
HAVE A NICE DAY, ONE AND ALL.

Hahaha thanks for the great quiz patty.

I got the third question right by adding all the 1000's together and then adding the under-100's. I wasn't smart enough to get onto Blogger's Choice Award registry but at least I got something right!

PattyGirl, do you want to hear something really, really sad? I've gotten this email at least 3 other times, and I STILL got some wrong. Old dog, new tricks????

oh God, I never get all of those questions right now matter how many times I get that email. LOL

They said it would be impossible for the young. Guess that's you two, Mel and MGK.

Joke time, again.

Letter from camp:





Dear Mom,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes.


Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.


We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy.. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets.. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal file?

I have to go now.. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo .... Dont worry about anything, we are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Love, Timmy

I literally LOL'd at the cast being concrete because they didn't have any plaster.

IMPRESSIVE TEXAS SOLUTIONS

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Indiana, Illinois, Ohio, especially New York and Minnesota call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!

And there is more.............
The Texas COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline.

The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!

That would be 15 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.....
Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....

Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military....

Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.....
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. .......

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.

Problem solved.....

If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends...........

I just did..........

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France resulted in the arrest of Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran..

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

Good ones, PattyGirl!

Patty, the camp letter was hysterical. My hubby thought I had lost it.

PattyGirl - I now dub you the Queen of the Jokes!!!!!

Thank you so much. I will try to do my best to earn it.

@ the new jokes, Patty. Keep 'em coming.

See what comes in emails today. Nothing yet but 25 junk emails, wanting to sell me Canadian pharmecudicals, show me how to enlarge my dong to give ecstatic pleasure, and oh, yeah, my usual 3 or 4 tickets to ultimate riches by either allowing someone to deposit hundreds of millions of dollars Euro or pounds in my bank account so their government won't take it away, or that I have won a Lottery of that same amt of Euros or pounds. Fun emails don't usually come until the afternoon.

So you're saying that you don't want to enlarge your dong, Patty?

I went to the doc this morning, just a follow up to refill my meds, and I have lost 32lbs this summer. Woot woot! I want to lose some more before seeing the family at Xmas but I'll take any loss I can get.

Good for you MyGirl.

Congrats., MGK. All that hot, humid weather came to some good after all. Noone really wants to eat much when the weather is so yucky. Your family will be so happy to see the new and improved you.
As for enlarging my dong. I'd do it very happily if I thought that I could use it for myself in the manner it is supposed to be used naturally. (There's another great visual for cindigirl)

Thanks girls.

Lol at giving Cindi another visual.

BTW, remember when I said I like gadgets? Apparently I need an intervention. I was using the iPad to visit here on COH and just tried to use my mouse hand to click on a link. Durrrr. LoL

I know what you mean. Had the same problem with my Laptop. Got so bad, went out and got mouse for lt. Had that sensor pad thingy, just too slow to move cursor around (I play a lot of games while watching TV).

No, no, no more visuals. My head will explode. LOL

cindigirl wrote:No, no, no more visuals. My head will explode. LOL

I'm torn. Do I cause Cindi's head to explode or do I play nice?


Patty, the sad part was that my mouse hand was on the tv remote.

That is both sad and difficult. How many times did you change channels instead of getting the link you wanted?

Luckily, I realized it as soon as I touched the buttons. I blame it on insomnia. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Another joke, you may have seen before.

If you can't afford a doctor, go to the airport. You can get a x-ray, breast exam and if you mention Al Qaeda, you can get a free colonoscopy.

Ladies, you are in top form today!!!!

MyGirlKylie wrote:If you can't afford a doctor, go to the airport. You can get a x-ray, breast exam and if you mention Al Qaeda, you can get a free colonoscopy.

MyGirl, OMG I almost fell out of my chair reading this one.

Girl, you are having all sorts of issues today, between your head exploding and falling out of your chair.

Oh, MyGirl you have no idea. I just witnessed a murder. LOL My cat caught a grasshopper that was bigger than her head, tortured it for a bit then ate it. I either need more coffee or alcohol. Think I'll go for the alcohol. I may never eat again. LOL

Cindi, better take a break and put yourself back together. One more mishap and we might lose you, Can't have that happen.

Only one drink, now. remember your weakened condition. As far as eating, didn't know you were into grasshoppers (the jumpy kind, not the drink), but try a veggie diet for a couple of days and you'll get over it.

No, no veggies, Grasshoppers eat veggies, don't they? Well, I'm sure they eat grass. Cats can be entertaining. Big and little, they're all the same. If she ever brought in a mouse and tortured it I'd surely have a cardiac arrest. LOL

A cat's gonna do what a cat's gonna do. What would you do if it was a bird instead of mouse or insect? Your only other alternative is not to let it out of the house. Then it wouldn't bring you any gifts.

patty, I live in a condo and she gathers all her "treasures" from the balcony. Not that she hasn't tried but thankfully birds are too smart and fast for her to catch.

You have mice on your balcony. Oh my, that's dangerous. I know it's not because she's hungry, she's just being playful.

No, no mice on balcony. That's all I need.

Just heard a clap of thunder that really almost knocked me off my chair. Sent my cat scurrying under the bed. Today is definitely not my day. Should go to bed now with a bottle of hooch. LOL

My indoor/outdoor cat likes to leave presents on the doorstep. They say that it's a sign of affection just like when mother cats bring stuff back to their kittens. I however have absolutely no affection for naked, just hatched baby birds and half dead mice. The little fuzzy ass bitch gets plenty of food inside so she doesn't need to kill stuff and leave it for me to clean up.

Cindigirl, grab a bottle, get under the covers and pray for it to be tomorrow. Lol

@MyGirl, Took your advice, but ran out of "hooch." Darn. Another sign of affection in a cat is to clamp their teeth down on your skin. Don't see anything affectionate about that, but I put up with it anyway. Personally would prefer just a purr!

You should always have a spare.

I love cats but they really are assholes. I do love their spunk and independence. I haven't had a cat in 5 years, I now have a dog, and although I miss him I don't miss the dead mice and birds at my doorstep.

sandwiches, cats are the lazy man's pets. I have 2 cats that I got from a rescue group. They're sisters and absolutely hate each other. Go figure.

I had dogs for years but got tired of taking them for a walk first thing in morning and last thing at night. IMO other than the hair shedding and the resulting allergy I think they're pretty cool pets.

sandwiches wrote:I love cats but they really are assholes.

Bwahahahaa! That Is so right. But when they love you, they really love you.