General Chitchat for November

Here's a bunch - please put down coffee cup and go to the bathroom before reading

Boudreau was driving down Canal street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of ma life and give up ma White Lightnin'!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Boudreau looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'



Father Murphy walks into a bar on Bourbon Street, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to Thibodeaux and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

Thibodeaux said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

Thibodeaux said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a bunch together to go right now.'


Boudreaux was in New Orleans .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Boudreaux still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Boudreaux went over to him and said, 'Ain't it 'bout time ya let the Catholics across?'


Boudreaux opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Landry.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Boudreaux. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Landry. 'Where ya callin' from?'



A Parish priest is driving down to New Orleans from Alexandria and gets stopped for speeding . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'


Walking into the bar, Boudreaux said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little wife.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Boudreaux replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! ? What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little coward.'


Devereaux staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Landry. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Betty Lou.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Devereaux sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Devereaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Betty Lou staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Devereaux said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Betty Lou said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ..... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror


Hope you did as I asked, as I don't want to be responsible for wet seat cushions, floors or keyboards!

This is an actual store front in Berlin
https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=XVTga6GmbGw&vq=medium#t=74

Video is really cool patty - looks like a hologram. Leave it to the Germans. LOL

PattyGirl, you'll be happy to hear that I took your advice! Thanks so much! I already cleaned house, and didn't need to do it again!! Video was awesome!

If anyone is interested, The Kennedys - miniseries of the life of John F. Kennedy and family are on TV again tonight. The film, starring Katie Holmes traces his life from his presidency to his death. Tonight will be fhe final 2 hours, from 8:00 pm to 10:00 pm. It's on REELZ channe 177 on the east coast . I watched it last night from 7:00 pm to 10:00 pm. It was so good I couldn't leave it.

Even with Katie Holmes in it? Ouch! Now, I haven't seen it, nor will I as I don't have that channel, but can't say I care for her much. But, I'm glad you enjoyed it CindiGirl!

great vid!!!! thanks!

Thanks Melbert, Katie Holmes is dead-on for Jacqueline Kennedy and does a really great job. If you didn't know better you'd think she was Jackie. I was very young when he was president and watching the show, I didn't realize what poor health JFK was in when he was president. Tonight takes you through his Marilyn Monroe years and up to his assassination. Sorry, don't want to bore you any more. I am just awed by this 8 hour show.

While those who live outside the US may not really understand this, I think it's great and wanted to share.

The Fix

There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg , Fl. Times. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new AMERICAN Car. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes..

Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!

Hip Hip Hurray for that guy (or with that ingenious idea, it was probably a woman who came up with it!!!) and wouldn't it be great if they could figure something out that easy. Oh, silly me!! That's the government we're talking about. Takes them 5,000 words to say what could be understood in about 10.

Yay! I hit my 3000 in the Chitchat thread!!!

Congratulations Melbert, with big "'+'', for all the hard work you did for this blog

I forgot to add: great sense of humor. You are great and you know it.

squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses


this was a BIGBIGBIG slap in the face to all

ALL PEOPLE

how can people be faitful, after that?
those big (?) chiefs need to rethink about their position not in the economy
but in the real world

their value is surely very low
in ALL senses

Congratulations, Melbert! You lucky dog, you! And I mean that in the most sincere way possible!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! 3000 wow!!

melbert wrote:Yay! I hit my 3000 in the Chitchat thread!!!

Go you!

http://www.carrefour.eu/armani.cfm?lang=nl Nice or not ?

from Giorgio to George?

Awww I like it a lot!!! I will look if it´s in my country.

Hey guys! Found a perfect job for SK. Was surfing the TV schedule and found and old Green Hornet episode. It's on a "new" TV channel, YOUTOO. They have a hostess who could be SK's sister. I think this would be the perfect career for her. Just has to look good and say a few words. If you can get it, just give it a look see. It seems to be on basic. Don't know if it's just Verizon or other cable networks too. On Verizon it's 243. Lots of old series. First time I found it. Gotta surf more, never know what I'll find.

old Green wot?

Green Hornet is a comic book character. Back in the 60's or so, there was a TV series, similar to the old Batman and Superman series.
Just last year they made a movie, The Green Hornet with I believe, Seth Rogen.

mille grazie !


ciao

Thanks Gang!!!! You all keep me coming back!!

40 million times 1 million is more than the national debt. So as much as Mr. 1-2-3 wants to make it seem simplistic, it's not very realistic.


http://www.usdebtclock.org/

40,000,000 times 1,000,000 is more than my sheet can calculate.

But as an example 40,000,000 times 100,000 = 4,000,000,000,000.00

So 40,000,000 times 1,000,000 just add a zero - 40,000,000,000,000.00

Count the number of commas then look at the debt clock and count the number of commas. The amount Mr. 1-2-3 wants to give out is about 2 and a half times the national debt.

Finally got my internet service back. It was on and off for a week. I have Cablevision and if I could I would get rid of it. Unfortunately my community is only wired for it. I had to call corporate offices and the FCC to get someone to respond to my voicemails and fix the problem. When I was finally able to gt a response from corporate it was fixed in one day-yesterday. Now to catch up with everyone.

Welcome back bluebelle. Glad your internet is back. I know how it is to be without it, it's no fun. I have Cablevision too and have all 3 hookups - tv, phone and internet so if mine goes out then I'm back in the 19th Century. LOL

Oh Good Blubelle is back... here is a little "???" for everyone...

XYZ of a village ABC was a young, demure and lively woman.
PQR, her neighbour, on seeing her with a gentleman asked, "What is your relationship with the gentleman accompanying you?"
XYZ replied, "I will neither tell you his name nor my relation with him. I will, however, reveal that his mother-in-law and my mother-in-law are mother and daughter."
How are these two related to each other?

It's her brother?

It's her grandfather?

her father-in-law?

Quick funny for ya!

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again, and again they went right though.

This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention to the road, and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Don't you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said "Oh Damn! Am I driving?"

RFOL MyGirl. That was so funny. Reminds me of my ex-husband, he drives slow and wrong on so many levels. The few times I've ridden with him it was like being in the car with Mr. McGoo. LOL

G
is blind

Oh, MGK, that was just hilarious. A bit scary but hilarious. I hurt from laughing.

Lmao @ Cindigirl. That sounds like my mom. She either drives like a bat out of hell or slow enough to drive Miss Daisy.

Pari wrote:Oh Good Blubelle is back... here is a little "???" for everyone...

XYZ of a village ABC was a young, demure and lively woman.
PQR, her neighbour, on seeing her with a gentleman asked, "What is your relationship with the gentleman accompanying you?"
XYZ replied, "I will neither tell you his name nor my relation with him. I will, however, reveal that his mother-in-law and my mother-in-law are mother and daughter."
How are these two related to each other?

It's her Father-In-law

YAY!!! Aces!!! YUP!!! The Father-in-law! + to those who got it right!

Also sending the same to those who tried

The answer is always YES!!!!

Joke, for anybody who is thinking of working at WalMart:

My 1 day of employment
So, after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
A good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Wal Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?"
So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Loving the jokes! This is the only thread on this forum I read nowadays.

Lmao at the Walmart joke. Good one Cindigirl!

@Cindi's joke

Thanks, Pari!

I'll take that wine now, MyGirlKylie!

This isn't a joke, just a heads-up for anyone interested in reading.

WARNING FROM POLICE
This is the new thing these days with people out of work and needing cash. Beware, it's headed our way.

Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating.... You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into reverse.

When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.

So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!

BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.

If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away. Remove the paper later. A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.

U r welcome Cinderella!
Enjoyed a good laugh MyGirlKylie and Cindigirl... have yet to cover all the previous notes though ha ha hahahhaha

cindigirl wrote:This isn't a joke, just a heads-up for anyone interested in reading.

WARNING FROM POLICE
This is the new thing these days with people out of work and needing cash. Beware, it's headed our way.

Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating.... You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into reverse.

When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.

So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!

BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.

If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away. Remove the paper later. A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.

repetita juvant

Put down your coffee, girls.

Happy birthday!

Last week, she checked into a motel on her 70th birthday. She was a bit lonely.

She thought... "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony -- a very handsome man with assorted physical skills, flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places; thick wavy hair; long powerful legs; a dazzling smile; and six-pack abs. She felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum.

She figured:
What the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am. How may I help you?"
Oh, my, he sounded sooooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in:

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! (I promise not to hurt you) Now how does that sound?"

He said... "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

LOL!!!