General Chitchat for December

YAY Natascha!!!!!

Welcome back Natasha

POINTS TO PONDER WHEN YOU'RE BORED

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before
it starves to death.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head
is attached to its body.
The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Starfish have no brains.

Polar bears are left-handed.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig?)

From Digital Spy web site today


'Tarzan's Cheetah the Chimpanzee dies, aged 80
Published Wednesday, Dec 28 2011, 12:28 GMT | By Tom Eames |

© Rex Features / Sipa Press/Rex Features

Cheetah the chimpanzee has died at the age of 80.

The ape starred in several Tarzan films from the 1930s to the 1960s, as well as the television series between 1966 and '68.

He was the comic relief sidekick to American Olympic gold medal winner Johnny Weissmuller in the role as Tarzan.

The Suncoast Primate Sanctuary in Palm Harbor announced that Cheetah passed away on December 24 as a result of kidney failure.

Sanctuary director Debbie Cobb said that Cheetah was kind, outgoing and enjoyed finger painting.

He joined the sanctuary from Weissmuller's estate in 1960.

Natascha wrote:I'm finally back!!!! My computer chrashed last week on Monday, I had to have it repaired and finally it came back today.

Welcome back Natascha - sorry there's not much news about George here. But if you're into games, there's 7 to choose from. LOL

Joanna wrote:The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head
is attached to its body.
The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

Thanks for those interesting points. I knew the praying mantis lost it's his head, but I thought it was during sex. I thought the female got pissed and ripped his head off, but only after sex. You know, female revenge.

This is gross !!!!

Warning. It may put you off your dinner or sex !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYp_Xi4AtAQ

Some may find this gross but I didn't. It's just nature.

So the male continues to copulate even after the female bites his head off. Oh, that is sooooo true in every life form. Nothing can diminish the male sex drive. But women rule!

Maybe G kept Max around so he could improve his skills. 30 minutes - hmmmm!!!!

Joanna! no more the Venice/green shirt pic?

No it's me, felt like a change ! Nice isn't it ?

Love your Avatar too Joanna

nice
sure
but the venice one was verrrry nice too
IMO

Yep, nice avatar, Joanna.

Joanna wrote:


This is gross !!!!

Warning. It may put you off your dinner or sex !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYp_Xi4AtAQ

Gives new meaning to giving "head". Sorry - my bad!!!!

Melbert

don't like very much bugs....

Hey melbert I see you picked the "old man haircut"

Don't fret it's me. I'm sure a Venice photo will pop back one day
when you least expect it !

Thanks Pari & sadDonkey, glad you like him !

when you least expect it


hmm
dunno why but don't like this sentence...

There are female jokes and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00.. On one condition..."
Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said...

"Clean my house."

Good one Davida

Hola Melbert
how are you?
You look so... *drool*
Is it your smile, is it your gaze?
Don't know, I am melting...

Melbert's latest avatar is very intriguing.
I have never seen eyes more direct, more.. disturbing. It's as though they look through you or rather into you, and see everything.

SadDonkey and Zizi, that is my come hither look and I see that it's working!!!

But, if I would have seen Joanna's pic first, I would have jumped on it. No pun intended Joanna!!!

verrrrry good the Patty ones too

Sorry this late for Christmas Only just received it by email !

A broad mind is required !!

http://www.toilette-humor.com/christmas/christmas_balloons.shtml



PS Do click on the New Year greetings for a surprise !

Thanks Joanna - I have a broad mind and I enjoyed it. ROFL

damn
didn't understand
till the end!

That was the "point" It's Me !

good!
this is even worse!

Oh Joanna, that gave me the giggles!! If you only knew how true that is. Tickled me so!!!

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner
is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for three minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have aspirin ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want...the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

Tigerina wrote:Oh Joanna, that gave me the giggles!! If you only knew how true that is. Tickled me so!!!

Good to see you here.

You've had experience of that then ?
Do tell all gal !

LOL!!!

Four old friends were playing their weekly game of golf. One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his pals and play a round.

His friends all chimed in and said, "Yeah,
let's do it! We'll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here
early, Christmas morning."


Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first player says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

The second guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

The third man says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car,
reading the manual."

They all turned to the last one of the group who is staring at them
like they have lost their minds.

" I can't believe you all went to
such expense for this golf game.
I slapped my wife on the butt and
said,

''Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for sex or
golf,” and all she said was,

“You'll need a jumper!”

Happy New Year!

bastard....

Language, it's me, language

LOL That was funny. You know the post about only dolphins and humans having sex for pleasure how come my bird George masturbates and coos. Sounds like she is having a great time and can do it for ages! It's actually another reason I thought she was a boy till she laid her egg of course. LOL

Great story Dexter, glad you have a Happy Girl there !

Oh some days she is so happy she falls of her perch....lol

Dexterdidit wrote:Oh some days she is so happy she falls of her perch....lol

Me too!!!! I slide right outta my chair!!!!

Honest, just got this by email from a mate !!

A fellow is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.

It doesn't have any feet or legs.


The man says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'


'Holy crap!' the fellow replies. 'You actually understood and answered me. !'


'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the chap asks. 'Then answer this - how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my dick around this wooden bar, like a little hook.


You can't see it, because of my feathers.'


'Wow!' says the man.


'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.


I'm especially good at ornithology.


You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'


The fellow looks at the £200.00 price tag.


'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet.


You can probably get me for £20, just make the chap an offer.!'

The man offers £20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by.


The parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.


The bloke is delighted.

One day the gent comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Pssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.


'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the PDX man.'

'What are you talking about?' asks the chap.

'When the PDX man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT?' the fellow asks incredulously.

'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the PDX man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'


'Yes.


Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'

Then the frantic man demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'

I DUNNO. I got an erection, and fell off my perch!'



=

Oh Joanna, you naughty, naughty girl!!!! This is toooooo good!!!! I'm so glad you shared it with us!

Lmao @ the jokes Joanna!

Been MIA this week. I have the kiddo and the hubby home all week and my mom had her surgery day before yesterday. All went well and she is doing really well. Mostly sore under her armpit where they did the lymph node biopsy but getting back into the swing of things, just a little more slowly. We find out the results of the biopsy next week and if it's negative for cancer like they suspect, she won't have to do any chemo or radiation.

Will try to check in more next week when I get my peeps back to work and school. Happy New Year, ladies!

Happy New Year to you mom!
happy and serene new year!

Oh MGK, that news sounds really hopeful! Is Grandma "feeling the love" from your daughter? A very Happy New Year to you and your family!

MGK, MELBERT, IT'S ME, CINDIGIRL, KATIEDOT, SIS, WATCHING, MERLIN, PATTYGIRL,DEX, JOanna,CINDER,SADDONKEY,ZIZI,LOVELYLOIS,TIGER,PARI, and whoever else, PLAYFULDEB, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And hello and happy new year from the future - it's the 1st of January here, just after breakast time!

and a super DITTO from me!!!! I still have 3 1/2 hrs to go, but hey, what the hell - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Katie, you appear sober?! How has 2012 treated you so far??

YAY!!! 3600!!!!