Gwyneth Paltrow: Tracy Anderson Studio Opening! ( Stacy pic)

Still sore from my butt-kicking workout @[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] but couldn't miss her new studio opening with @[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

— Stacy Keibler (@StacyKeibler) [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Here are some photos from last night’s opening of “the Tracy Anderson Flagship Studio” in Brentwood. If you’ve been following this crap long enough, you know that Tracy Anderson used to be in business with Madonna until Tracy and her con artist friends defrauded Madonna of hundreds of thousands of dollars (mostly from Madonna’s charity), and then Tracy moved on to Gwyneth Paltrow and now they’re in business together. Gwyneth and Tracy have opened up this studio together, and they’re also doing a blow-dry bar in the same space, I think. So, this was the launch/opening for everything.

And what a peasanty evening it was! Gwyneth wore this (surprisingly cute) purple Victoria Beckham dress and a pair of the ugliest Michael Kors shoes I’ve ever seen. Tracy wore… I have no idea. She looks like ten kinds of hell, so who cares what she’s wearing and why would you ever want to take her advice about anything? As for any new Goop quotes… I found this one, where she’s discussing how she loves to listen to hip-hop when Chris isn’t at home: “He can’t have background music on; it has to be 100 per cent of his attention. But if he isn’t at home, I turn on the hip-hop – I’m like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.” Oh, Goop. You are a bad mutha. Oh, and here’s Goop’s new Goop-letter. I found it boring.

Hilariously, the biggest “names” (other than Goop) at this event were Stacy Keibler (in Rebecca Minkoff) and (gulp) Kim Kardashian. As you can imagine, Gwyneth did NOT deign to pose for photos with either Stacy or Kim. Because Lady Goop deigns to mingle with the peasantry, but let’s not ever forget that she IS elite. She will open a “studio” so that fat peasants can try to lose weight to look more like Gwyenth, but she doesn’t really want to talk to them or be seen with them.

Please don’t make me tell you who Natalie Green is.

Oh it’s like that, is it?

Fine. I’m old. I can take it. Click here. The payoff comes at the 1:00 mark. But don’t fall into a YouTube hole and not come back. We have so much more to talk about today!

Anyway, Mindy Cohn, aka Natalie Green, showed up at the opening of the Tracy Anderson Flagship Studio yesterday starring not Tracy Anderson but Gwyneth Paltrow, her most famous, most toned, most quinoa-ed client. That’s not only interesting for fans of 80s television but also because ...well... Mindy Cohn is supposedly the godmother of the Brange children. I know. There are few things more random in Hollywood -- and life -- than Natalie Green hanging out with the Jolie.

Who else was there? Other people’s girlfriends. George Clooney’s girlfriend. And Kanye West’s girlfriend. Because she works out with Tracy too. She was not, however, granted a photo opportunity with Beyonce’s BFF. Please. And neither was Stacy Keibler. Because then we would have all written stories about how they whispered in a corner about Angelina.

As for my G, she wore a purple Posh dress to show off those legs and because she has such long lean legs, that neon orange shoe strap doesn’t give her cankles.

And to close, I’d like to share with you my favourite email from yesterday courtesy a longtime reader called Jonathan who shares my Gwyneth obsession:

To: Lainey
From: Jonathan N
Subject: this is an actual goop recipe

1. Arrange mint leaves in a teacup.

2. Pour hot water over leaves. Let steep for a few minutes until the water turns slightly green and flavors open up.

3. Enjoy.

Come on. How is this not pure joy?

silly girl wrote:Yes Joanna she does take care of her feet but as you can see in this photo the shoes don't fit her. I read where you shouldn't be hanging off the ends of your sandals as it makes the foot look awkward. Also it seems like she has a callus or blister which might be from wearing ill fitting shoes---not necessarily these but other heels.

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Lighterside wrote:It's not that the shoes don't fit her properly, it's that the height of the heel is pushing her entire foot forward and it's causing her toes to go over the end of the shoe. You can see space between the back of the shoe and her heel because "gravity" doesn't give a crap about fashion!

That's the problem with these impossibly high heels that wreck your feet, on top of making it difficult to walk and the morons who design them and think women should be able to walk in anything, should have to strap on those shoes and walk until they're eyes water and their feet blister! Then maybe they'll get it!