Dlisted: I See That George Clooney's Wedding is Going to Be a Low Key Intimate Affair

September 26, 2014 / Posted by: Michael K

In case you didn’t already know, George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are the anti-Brangelina and they’re not going to get married in a hush, hush at-home wedding featuring a coloring book dress and a busted, ugly wedding cake made by a child. (May a special place in Hell’s special place open up just for me for saying that, but that cake Pax made was a janky mess. Even Maddox knows this.) MuddiLooney is going to give us SPECTACLE! THEATER! DRAMA! FACE! OLD SCHOOL LIFE MAGAZINE GLAMOUR! Thank God George Clooney isn’t following that “secret wedding” trend and is whoring out his wedding to the masses.

As expected, George and Amal arrived in Venice today and you’d think that true royalty like Shauna Sand or Phoebe Price arrived. Because peasants lined the canal as Clooney and Amal waved from a boat while a photographer (from American Vogue, probably) and his best man Rande Gerber took pictures of them. Somebody really needs to blow the delusion dust out of Clooney’s head and tell him that the world already has a modern day JFK and Jackie O. Their names are Mama June and Sugar Bear and until break up for good, they are still the JFK and Jackie O of our time. So quick trying, MuddiLooney!

The Telegraph says that Clooney, Amal and many of their guests are staying at the Belmond Cipriani. The ceremony is supposed to go down at another fancy ass hotel, the Aman Canal Grande. The rumored guest list includes Rande Gerber (DUH), Cindy Crawford (DUH), Matt Damon (pictures of his ass below), Brangelina, Ellen Barkin, Cate Blanchett, Richard Kind, John Krasinski, Emily Blunt, Gabriel Byrne and Bono. Clooney’s friend, the former mayor of Rome Walter Veltroni, is going to officiate the ceremony. Clooney is going to wear a tux by Giorgio Armani and some say that Amal’s dress was made by Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen, but she’s also been photographed carrying a Stella McCartney garment bag in Milan.

The ceremony will happen tomorrow and a civil ceremony will happen on Monday. Parts of the Grand Canal will be shut down for the civil ceremony, because the citizens of Venice will all barf into the water together after living through a weekend full of stunts and shows.

This is really how it’s done. If you’re a huge star and you’re getting married, you should show everyone how much power you have by getting parts of the Venice canal shut down. If you can’t shut down a road or the canal by snapping your fingers, you aren’t a STAH. But really, at the end of the day, this is about Clooney and Amal uniting they’re love and I’m sure they’re going to last forever. Because a celebrity couple who marries in a gigantic wedding EXTRAVAGANZA, stays together forever. Ask Tommy Girl, Katie Holmes, Kim Kardashian, Elizabeth Hurley, etc…

This is really how it’s done. If you’re a huge star and you’re getting married, you should show everyone how much power you have by getting parts of the Venice canal shut down. If you can’t shut down a road or the canal by snapping your fingers, you aren’t a STAH. But really, at the end of the day, this is about Clooney and Amal uniting they’re love and I’m sure they’re going to last forever. Because a celebrity couple who marries in a gigantic wedding EXTRAVAGANZA, stays together forever. Ask Tommy Girl, Katie Holmes, Kim Kardashian, Elizabeth Hurley, etc…

Katiedot wrote:Tom Cruise?

Anyway, my feelings exactly (from many years of attending friends' weddings).  The bigger and more extravagant the wedding, the shakier the marriage.  People who are truly in love don't need to dress it up and make a big deal out of it whereas those who think they're in love are more focued on the wedding than on the marriage that comes afterwards.  Yes, it's not a hard and fast absolute rule, but I've seen enough statement weddings to feel a bit suspicious when I see everything snowballing to grand dimensions.  

Katiedot wrote:Tom Cruise?

Anyway, my feelings exactly (from many years of attending friends' weddings).  The bigger and more extravagant the wedding, the shakier the marriage.  People who are truly in love don't need to dress it up and make a big deal out of it whereas those who think they're in love are more focused on the wedding than on the marriage that comes afterwards.  Yes, it's not a hard and fast absolute rule, but I've seen enough statement weddings to feel a bit suspicious when I see everything snowballing to grand dimensions.  

globalchick wrote:

Katiedot wrote:Tom Cruise?

Anyway, my feelings exactly (from many years of attending friends' weddings).  The bigger and more extravagant the wedding, the shakier the marriage.  People who are truly in love don't need to dress it up and make a big deal out of it whereas those who think they're in love are more focused on the wedding than on the marriage that comes afterwards.  Yes, it's not a hard and fast absolute rule, but I've seen enough statement weddings to feel a bit suspicious when I see everything snowballing to grand dimensions.  

I'm with Katiedot. George's wedding has descended into a ridiculous media spectacle. This was his intention of course - by announcing the location and leaking all the details of where and when it would take place, George tried to make his wedding the centre of worldwide media attention and create publicity for himself. Other Hollywood stars care more about the commitment they are making to each other and try and marry privately. All he cares about is the publicity and he is trying to make it akin to a royal wedding. Why? I will explore this elsewhere. His behaviour is completely out of character with how he's behaved for 14 years. Also if you look at the face of Matt Damon and his wife you can see disapproval at how this has turned into a PR spectacle of epic proportions. I'm sure Matt is privately horrified by all this. Who one earth would want a wedding with this kind of pressure? Only someone who wanted the publicity. Remember George could have had a private wedding like John F Kennedy Junior or many other stars. Instead he's courted publicity every step of the way. It's about to get worse as he has even sold the pictures and I heard he will be on the front cover of Vogue shortly with the photo spread. Just like Kim Kardashian. Not good.