Women Should Stop Sleeping With George Clooney Types

Women Should Stop Sleeping With George Clooney Types, Says Author


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By Sarah Hamaker , Christian Post Contributor
February 13, 2012|2:01 pm
Nationally syndicated columnist Betsy Hart is being blunt with women: stop looking to the movies for love advice and stop sleeping with George Clooney, or men like him.

Hart is the author of the new book From the Hart and The Christian Post caught up with her to ask about this thing called love and marriage.

CP: You often say that when it comes to men and matters of the heart, too many women ask for too much and settle for too little. What do you mean by that?

Hart: Women tend to settle for live-in boyfriends when what they want are husbands. These same women are afraid to ask for marriage and commitment. That's the stuff that we as women are wired to want, and yet our culture says we can't ask for that, that we shouldn't expect that in a relationship. But women are sleeping with their live-in boyfriends and giving them the benefits of a sense of having a wife without having the commitment of marriage.

CP: In your book, you talk about George Clooney and why women everywhere should stop sleeping with him. Why pick on him?

Hart: He's a very high-profile confirmed bachelor, that's why. My theory is that women everywhere in the world should make a vow that they're not going to sleep with George Clooney – or men like him – outside of marriage. These guys go around breaking one heart after another because women don't believe the men when they say they do not want to ever get married. Every woman thinks she will be the one to change him and they don't. Meanwhile, they're living with him and giving him all the benefits of marriage. Of course he's not going to get married. I believe that if women everywhere stop sleeping with George Clooney, he would in fact get married.

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CP: What do you think is the biggest mistake women make about love besides giving sex before marriage?

Hart: I think we as women too often misunderstand what love is. We're looking at this romantic, idolized version as shown in books and movies. We don't understand the sense that it's really a deeper, longer lasting commitment. Women have these crazy long checklists of what a man has to be, and they get disappointed when he doesn't match up. Men don't have those lists. I think we want only the high of romantic love, the dopamine, instead of understanding how that transforms into a much deeper attraction over time. We prefer to stay at that high instead of settling into what can be a long-term, lifelong commitment.

CP: What do you think is the biggest mistake men make about love?

Hart: I think maybe men probably buy into the feminist notion too much that women don't want or need men to slay dragons. But we do – we want to be pursued, we want to know that we're wanted, we want to feel secure in a man's intentions. I think women should call their boyfriends "suitors" because that has a definite connotation that he's pursuing them. We want men to be the male leader in our homes, and that's going to look different in different households.

CP: How is real-life love different from romantic comedies or dramas?

Hart: Let me use the movie "Titanic" as an example. Here the two leads have this two-day whirlwind romance and a sexual encounter. They're crazy about each other. But if the ship had docked safely in New York and they had stayed together, within a few months, it would have been fights about why he couldn't afford to buy her Monet paintings and why she forgot his birthday. Real life would set in, but that's not depicted in so many of these romantic comedies or these dramas. Real life is about the ups and downs of a relationship where you are figuring out you are a sinner in need of a Savior –and so is the person you're married to. Our calling as spouses is to love them as we walk with them in the midst of their sin, and they walk with us in the midst of our sin. That is so rarely portrayed on screen.

CP: Why does marriage matter?

Hart: Marriage matters for countless reasons. First and foremost, it's a reflection of the union of Christ and his church, and that needs to be reflected in the culture. Marriage is also profoundly important to be between a man and woman because it forces us to stretch to live with someone who is very different. If I married someone just like me, like my best girlfriend, loving that person would be pretty easy. Loving a man is hard because he's different, he wants different things and he's wired differently than I am. Those differences call me out of myself. That's just one of the beauties of marriage on a spiritual level.

On a practical level, marriage is by far the most protective place for women and children. The studies are overwhelmingly clear that when you have high marriage rates in a community, you have more stability, you have children who are less likely to be abused and you have women who are less likely to be abused. The data is also overwhelming in that people in marriages are much happier than people in cohabiting relationships.

CP: How does today's American culture impact how we think about love?

Hart: Our American culture has a very romanticized, transitory view of love, that love is very much about what makes me happy right now. Love in our culture is not about serving or giving or doing for someone else. Now happiness is part of real love, but it's happiness that is other-centered, not self-centered. Marriages break up, even in the Christian culture, because of a view that marriage is about how can I have my needs fulfilled. When my needs are not being fulfilled – if I can't get them fulfilled in my marriage – then maybe it's time to move on. German pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer said that marriage is about holiness more than happiness. When you go into marriage from that view, it changes everything. But our culture doesn't do that because it romanticizes love and turns it into all about me.

CP: You've been very candid about your own divorce in 2004. How did you recover from that and still have a positive view of love?

Hart: In one sense, I'm not sure we ever really recover from a divorce. I was very shocked by the divorce – it was nothing I wanted. I think the way to look at it is that this is one of the marks I'm going to carry in this fallen world until the day I die. I think more about how can God use it, how can I be sanctified by my divorce, and how can I pray that my children be sanctified through it.

I've also eschewed a lot of what our divorce culture teaches, which is that not only will you get completely over it, but, particularly in a situation like mine where my husband left our family, that you're supposed to think about what you did to bring this about, what was your part in it. While it does take two to make a marriage, it only takes one to leave it. It's very possible to have one person unilaterally decide not to work on making this marriage better and leave. I think the person left behind can't feel responsible for that. I was not a perfect spouse and my husband was not a perfect spouse, but our calling was to faithfully help each other. Once I was able to say I don't have responsibility for him leaving, that it was his choice, that gave me a lot of freedom.

CP: Have you found love again?

Hart: I most definitely have. I have a wonderful suitor now who has made his intentions very clear. I've heard from other women who have said they don't know if the men they're dating are into them, so I decided to start taking more of my own advice and be with someone who very early on wanted me to be secure in his intentions.

What do you think?

Poor GTC.
He gets the blame for everything just because
he's a single man

George Clooney types, huh? Well, what about other well-known womanizers, like, Jack Nicholson, Hugh Hefner, etc.? Why doesn't anyone mention them? Oh, wait, they are SO yesteryear.

Hart: He's a very high-profile confirmed bachelor, that's why. My theory is that women everywhere in the world should make a vow that they're not going to sleep with George Clooney – or men like him – outside of marriage. These guys go around breaking one heart after another because women don't believe the men when they say they do not want to ever get married. Every woman thinks she will be the one to change him and they don't. Meanwhile, they're living with him and giving him all the benefits of marriage. Of course he's not going to get married. I believe that if women everywhere stop sleeping with George Clooney, he would in fact get married.

Brahahahaha - fat chance of that lady!!

But whew, thanks for the hearty laugh I really needed that today!

True Lorna. She makes women seem stupid & shallow and
makes men appear uncaring. So unreal IMO

So, what's left ?
Ah, Swans...they mate for life

[quote="LornaDoone"]I believe that if women everywhere stop sleeping with George Clooney, he would in fact get married.

And then we can have the ironclad prenup and countdown until divorce. LOL

Lol cindi, you are right!

But I think women and men are alike.

I think for a relationship to work they both have to be equal in social status and financially. Other wise competition starts to take place.
One of them believes it has the upper hand on everything and the partner is disposable, and looks for someone believed to be more
compatible. I would add TRUE LOVE over looks everything, but it is one of rarest things to find. JMO

Well, I for one, will NOT be "sleeping" with George Clooney! There would be NO sleeping if he was mine!! (if you know what I mean - )

What about guys like Bobby Brown or Charlie Sheen who get married, but then beat their wives or, in the case of Bobby Brown, make them taking drugs and kill them?
George might not be perfect, but at least I've never heard that he ever abused any women or mistreated them.

Her point seems to be that George, or George Clooney types, would get married if all women abstained basically so they could have sex. What a great marriage that would be- based purely or mostly on sex. I don't think I want to be married to anybody just for that reason. A good marriage is based on much more. The writers simplistic and primal view of marriage could explain some of the writers issues within her own marriages, and why she views marriage in such a limited way.

Have to agree with madsky, a marriage based solely on sex isn't gonna last all that long. Some women can't imagine a life without marriage, there are some great loving long term relationships without the marriage.

She probably thought that if she would write her "great" book using George as an example, and using her sick theory she will just cash in more. Sucker.

lelacorb wrote:CP: In your book, you talk about George Clooney and why women everywhere should stop sleeping with him. Why pick on him?

Hart: He's a very high-profile confirmed bachelor, that's why. My theory is that women everywhere in the world should make a vow that they're not going to sleep with George Clooney – or men like him – outside of marriage. These guys go around breaking one heart after another because women don't believe the men when they say they do not want to ever get married. Every woman thinks she will be the one to change him and they don't. Meanwhile, they're living with him and giving him all the benefits of marriage. Of course he's not going to get married. I believe that if women everywhere stop sleeping with George Clooney, he would in fact get married.

The victim culture here (wrapped up under the guise of female empowerment) is pathetic when it is brought on a person who is unwilling to recognise they own destructive behaviour and their own lack of self worth. I’m so special and perfect – of course he will change everything about himself to suit me because that is the only true measure of how much he loves me. And when the relationship doesn't pan out, it is very convenient to be able to blame it on the bloke without taking any accountability for their own actions and choices. If I blame him and his limitations then I don’t have to self reflect and acknowledge that I am the architect of my own unhappiness.

Why do these books always blame the guy? Especially in situations where the guy is upfront about the scope of what the relationship will be? How about instead of blaming the bachelors, why don’t we start encouraging and fostering greater self respect and self esteem in women so that they don't choose to get into nowhere relationships? He is doing nothing wrong. He isn't lying or deceiving the women. Maybe the women need to stop lying and deceiving themselves that they can change anyone but themselves. I thought the whole point of the feminist movement was that women get the right to choose their own lives. Now that they have the same rights as men, maybe we need to re-educate women that they have the right to choose not to get into a dead-end relationship with someone who cannot and will not give them what they want - if that is their personal dealbreaker.

The onus of responsibility has to fall on the women, not the Clooney types who don’t want marriage and kids. If the picket fence if your goal, they pursue it. Don’t willingly choose to date a guy who has blatantly stated that is not what he wants in his life and then think because you are so special and unique, he will change his mind. Can he talk you into doing something that you blatantly would never do – like porn, drugs, changing your religion or political beliefs? Then why do you think you can talk him something that he is blatantly against. Figure out at the start if you are compatible with the bloke in more ways that just sexually. If you don’t want the same things, don’t choose to get involved with him. Or if you do, don't expect that one day he will wake up and by way of a miracle, want to get married and have a litter of kids. Cause it is never going to happen.

I like a man who knows his own mind and sticks to it.
I like George for that.
Period.

Watching, great insight! That's what I admire about George too, Joanna. and, many other things...

Well said, folks. George has his good points, too.

MM wrote:George Clooney types, huh? Well, what about other well-known womanizers, like, Jack Nicholson, Hugh Hefner, etc.? Why doesn't anyone mention them? Oh, wait, they are SO yesteryear.

Yep, George is the poster child for the eternal batchelor because those other guys are old (and nowadays not all that attractive except to golddiggers).

In that sense he's become a joke. He was even a punchline in a big hit film recently (having a total blank on which one - it was released last year) where the lead characters made fun of his love life and lack of commitment. Aha! Just remembered the film: it was 'Friends with Benefits'.

Yes, saw that film and thought the comments about George were funny.

But didn't I just read in his Hollywood Reporter interview (on another thread) that he said he would actually consider marriage?

Not marriage, but a long term relationship with an adult, someone who worries about something other than ??????? Check out twitter.

Katie, exactly. I think he is just so high profile and always seems to be talking about it (as the press ask or refer to it in every article/interview), the issue never gets a chance to go away. There is a long list of similiar celebs who could have been used in the article but I think George has been famous for so long, it is easy to use his name as the standard for confirmed bachelor and it is understood across a number of demographics.

Other bachelors:
Hugh Grant
Gerald Bulter
Leo
Jake G
Bradley Cooper
Michael Keaton
Simon Cowell
Colin Farrell
Kayne West
P Diddy
Usher
Jude Law

watching, I wouldn't date some of those names.

I DO NOT like Leo at all, I wouldn't date him even if I were paid to.

Maybe the scriptwriters knew he'd take the comments
well in the film FWB's and with humour.
Would the others ?

LornaDoone wrote:Yes, saw that film and thought the comments about George were funny.

But didn't I just read in his Hollywood Reporter interview (on another thread) that he said he would actually consider marriage?

...from Hollywood Reporter...

"His relationship with Keibler, and marriage: He won’t go into his relationship with Keibler because “there is so little in my life that is private,” but he does admit that this man who once won a bet with Michelle Pfeiffer that he wouldn’t be married again by 40 hasn’t ruled it out. Divorced from actress Talia Balsam, he has in the past rejected the idea; now he argues, “I don’t even think about it, really.” "

I think you read what you want into that!! Does he no longer 'even think about' marriage because he's ruled it out and moved on or because he's still open to the idea and not worrying about?

You pays your money, you takes your choice.

I think the writer added this on his own hasn’t ruled it out, because when I read George's quote “I don’t even think about it, really.”, I interpret that to just what he says - he doesn't think about it. He's not ruled it in or ruled it out - he just flat doesn't think about it!!!

Well, George can do whatever he wants with his life. He has to live with the outcome of his decisions and actions.

Reading about a certain "repeat process" in his life, I used to cringe thinking about the possibility of George getting into being called a "type" Looks like it has come to be...

BUT then, who really knows THE George type??? Guess, George is the only one who can re-write his type

Pari, I would assume that he knows pretty well "The George type"; obviously he is the one who created it. And as long as he is happy and comfortable with his choice we should not except any changes.
Like MM said very accurately:" He has to live with the outcome of his decisions and actions."

JMO, but when someone/we consistently fantasizes and lie about reality we loose track of what REALITY really is.

Dreaming, hoping and wanting or not the same as a fantasy and a lie.

A fantasy and a lie takes you to whole level of feeling unaccomplished.