Three Stages of Love

Lainey talked on her blog today about G and S being solid and at the third stage of their relationship. I have never heard of it so I googled 'third stage relationship' and found this article.


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The Three Stages of Love

This is a quick reminder about the stages through which a relationship travels. Love grows and changes. The excitement that brings couples together in the first place is very different from the love that emerges fifteen or fifty years later. Love relationships go through three predictable stages. All are important and none can be avoided if love is to flourish.

Stage 1: Romantic Love

Love relationships usually begin with a strong physical and emotional attraction that produces a somewhat altered state of consciousness. Your brain is saturated with chemicals called endorphins, creating the sensations of intense pleasure that accompany infatuation. The exhilaration and sense of well-being are similar to feelings produced by vigorous exercise or eating something extremely pleasurable, like chocolate.

In this highly charged emotional state, you are apt to project images, expectations, and ideals of the perfect mate onto your partner. These projections often have little to do with who your partner really is, but it's hard to tell because both of you are on your best behavior. Reeling with romance and passion, you and your partner are highly responsive to each other. It is not until a little further down the path that you find out what a person is really like.

Stage 2: Power Struggle

As infatuation and romantic love subside, healthy relationships go through a period of adjustment with continuing power struggles. It is common during this stage, for each partner to try to mold the other into the ideal mate. As part of this process, many couples bicker and fight. Some launch a "cold war" and start avoiding sensitive areas of conflict. If neither you nor your partner is ready to risk confrontation, your lives are likely to become more and more separate and devoid of intimacy and sharing. Even though you avoid open conflict, agreeing at some level not to argue and fight, the tension and pain remain. Here the problems go underground and come out when least expected.

Some couples use guilt and blame to try to control each other in an effort to recapture feelings associated with the earliest stage of their relationship. Both long for that period of infatuation when being together was new and exciting and the partner was attentive. If that sounds like you, remember that it’s normal to fall out of romantic love and to experience conflict. Furthermore, confrontation is healthy. It builds understanding when you get things out on the table. Learning to confront and resolve conflict at this stage helps your relationship mature. The challenge is to discover what can be changed in the relationship and what must be accepted.

It is never too late to learn the skills and to take the risks to effectively move through the power-struggle stage in order to achieve a stronger more satisfying relationship. It requires honesty with self, the willingness to confront and communicate with the partner, and letting go of control to experience what needs to surface. This includes facing your fears and allowing all your feelings to be explored. Feelings are not right or wrong. When denied, however, anger turns to rage and playing "ostrich" to avoid dealing with issues turns to depression. (Healing these may require both inner work and therapy.)

Steering through the power-struggle stage can take years if a couple does not look for help outside of their frame of reference. There are some definite things a couple can do to speed up the process ¾ gather information from books, take courses like this one, and go to counseling. Marriage and family therapists offer helpful information and objectivity when a couple is at an impasse.

Stage 3: Unconditional Acceptance

In its third stage, a healthy relationship moves beyond regular power struggles and control issues to unconditional love and acceptance. However, during the transition from stage two to stage three, partners must still confront and resolve issues in the relationship, taking risks to make positive change wherever possible and accepting those conditions that cannot be changed. Even in stage three, it is healthy to discuss anything that upsets you. Differences are approached positively, not seen as things to brush over, hide, or suppress. Tolerance and forgiveness are part of the equation, because there are always two different individuals with points of view, interests, desires, goals, and rates of growth.

At this stage, each person is highly aware of various traits in the other. Some you like and others you dislike, but you learn to accept the ones that cannot be changed. This is a time when expectations are readjusted and both of you become more realistic. Part of the process involves grieving the loss of expectations that cannot be met, and forgiving your partner for not conforming to your ideals. Making peace with yourself over the loss of your idealistic fantasies can take years — it really depends on your level of self-awareness, your willingness to let go of control, and the degree to which you are able to tune into the relationship. This third stage, acceptance, also includes enjoying the partnership and supporting each other on the journey of life.

On the path to mature love, these three stages blend into one another. One does not stop and another begins. In fact occasionally, they all three take place simultaneously. For example, you can still create romance in the second and third stages. Remember the draw of the first stage, where there was the element of surprise and the unknown? To create some romance, change your routine and bring in the element of surprise and unpredictability. You might create a date night once a week, where you go out and do fun things together. Use your imagination. Likewise, during the third stage it is still important to bring up issues that get in the way of experiencing a good relationship. Communication is important in all stages, as is working on your own issues and building awareness.

Knowing these three stages helps people be realistic about relationships. Rather than giving up during the tough times of the second stage, it is helpful to know it is normal and there are things you can do to make the way easier. Good relationships take time, awareness, risking, and good communication skills, to name a few, and require lots of practice. Each relationship is unique and incomparable.





For more information read Enlightening Cinderella Beyond The Prince Charming Fantasy by Suzanne E. Harrill or visit her website [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]



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My 3 stages:
1) You're everything to me.
2) You're a constant pain in the ass to me.
3) You're dead to me.

Way2Old4Dis wrote:My 3 stages:
1) You're everything to me.
2) You're a constant pain in the ass to me.
3) You're dead to me.

Oh dear...over what period does this scenario cover ?

Years.....months.....weeks ? Lol

Way2Old4Dis wrote:My 3 stages:
1) You're everything to me.
2) You're a constant pain in the ass to me.
3) You're dead to me.

Thanks for your simple explanation of relationships, and thank you for the best laugh I had today.

It's true marriage and relationships require a lot of work (for each partner). Sometimes it's worth it, other times not so much. The old saying "familiarity breeds contempt" holds true. I had an 18 year marriage which left me with a feeling of despair which can't be fixed. That's why I admire George so much because of his kindness.

cindigirl wrote:

Way2Old4Dis wrote:My 3 stages:
1) You're everything to me.
2) You're a constant pain in the ass to me.
3) You're dead to me.

Thanks for your simple explanation of relationships, and thank you for the best laugh I had today.

It's true marriage and relationships require a lot of work (for each partner). Sometimes it's worth it, other times not so much. The old saying "familiarity breeds contempt" holds true. I had an 18 year marriage which left me with a feeling of despair which can't be fixed. That's why I admire George so much because of his kindness.

Your blessings are your children and grand children Cindi...but I know you realise that.
Is little Madison doing well.....I love that name !

Interesting article. I found the phrase "grieving the loss of expectations that cannot be met" an apt description, which for me, applies to more than just relationships. Thanks, Bidbod.

Interesting that she would say this as she posted how loving they were at the Oscars.

Lakin--I felt the same way when I read it. Way--you gave me my first and only gut wrenching LAUGH today! Too funny. Thanks!

I don't think this is what Lainey was talking about. I think she was more insinuating Way's 3 stages because I got the feeling she was implying they were on their way out. Bit hypocritical as others have pointed out, seeing as yesterday they were "solid." Point being, nobody knows anything! Except George and Stacy and they're not talking!

Well George has a bunch of willing beauties to call if he wants a little action and they probably are not trouble makers .

We can only hope!

Yes. He he heeee.

Thanks It's Me. Good video.

I have read about the stages of love. I have been married for 6 years and think I am still on stage 3! Marriage takes a lot of work.

Actually Lainey refers to them as being in the THIRD ACT not the third stage. The third act is a reference to plays. The third act in a play is the final act, as in the end is nigh!!

Here's the actual Lainey report.

Post-Oscars George & Stacy
February 27, 2013
Posted at 11:59 AM

Posted by Lainey
Share on linkedin Share on facebook Share on twitter More Sharing Services
Tags:
George Clooney
Stacy Keibler
Photos:
Wenn, FameFlynet
Fresh off his Oscar win for Argo, George Clooney was in Germany yesterday accepting the Deutscher Medienpreis Award. Stacy Keibler, meanwhile, was photographed running errands in LA. You know, they’ve not been together all that much this year. He’s spent some time overseas and she’s been in the States shooting her show. Interestingly enough, almost everyone I talked to over Oscar weekend seemed to be of the opinion that they’ve definitely entered the third act of their relationship.

But she accomplished the once-thought-impossible! She made it to two Oscars in a row!

Here’s a rumour I’ve heard that you’ll enjoy:

Keibler used to deal casually with Geoff Stults. They stopped, obviously, just before Clooney made her his bonafide. The rumour is that Keibler and Stults have been talking again...and that George doesn’t know about it.

If this is true...

Careful, Stacy. It’s not the act that’s off-side but the lack of discretion that’s the most egregious, especially where George Clooney is concerned.

So can Keibler make it to an improbable THIRD Oscars in a row? George is expected to be back at the Dolby next year for August: Osage County and The Monuments Men. And if he’s planning to bring a date that isn’t Stacy, the exit strategy would have to happen soon so that he can have Stacy’s successor in place by, say, the fall, just in time to install her by his side for award season.

Was just going to post the same thing!

Joanna wrote:

Way2Old4Dis wrote:My 3 stages:
1) You're everything to me.
2) You're a constant pain in the ass to me.
3) You're dead to me.

Oh dear...over what period does this scenario cover ?

Years.....months.....weeks ? Lol

Yes.

Way you are way 2 funny! Love your posts. They make even a bad day better.

These projections often have little to do with who your partner really is, but it's hard to tell because both of you are on your best behavior

That sentence from bidbods post just sums it all for me.

The first time I broke wind, or farted in front of my husband, he just about died laughing, and said, you must feel really good, you have been holding that in for about 2 years!!...

Well after almost 17 years and 3 children under 7, he now wishes I was still on my best behaviour!!!

what a dissection
by Lainey

The speculation about when he will dump Stacy has been going on since the moment they hooked up, so I think its a just a story some of these websites put out every now and then in the hope that this week they will be right for once.

Also knowing that Georges relationships usually only last on avg 2 years, these websites speculating they will break up imminently or within the next few months are not physic, just playing the odds.

[quote="Way2Old4Dis"]My 3 stages:
1) You're everything to me.
2) You're a constant pain in the ass to me.
3) You're dead to me.[/quote]

Way2Old4Dis, I think your stages are more in line with George and his girls.

Thanks for your take TNMC.
Lainey confused me yesterday. Your take on her blog is more in line with what I think. Stacy is for the high jump.

theminis wrote:I think its a just a story some of these websites put out every now and then in the hope that this week they will be right for once.

Yep, even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

We all know his relationships have an expiry date so it's only a matter of time.

I seem to remember another take where Lainey thought they were so solid. Now this.

"Interestingly enough, almost everyone I talked to over Oscar weekend
seemed to be of the opinion that they’ve definitely entered the third
act of their relationship.

But she accomplished the once-thought-impossible! She made it to two Oscars in a row!"

That "but" backed up the idea Lainey feels its over. Like saying, yeah thats a pie, altho it seems a bit unusual. Or thats the last of the syrup but it was good while it lasted.

JoanieD you are right. Lainey posted a blog practically the day before saying they were solid mentioning seeing them kissing on the way into the Dolby theater. A day later she is saying the end is coming. Wonder who she talked to in between postings. Lainey is famous for saying George and his gal are solid and they break up the next week so maybe she's trying to make sure she doesn't get it wrong this time?

it's me wrote:

Hahahaha! I like this video. She troublemaker!

Real strong love last eternity. Maybe beginnings have lust & uncertainty phases but is become steady and secure in each other. No turmoil .
Is not more agitazione or jelousy. Is maybe like George Clooney's mother & father have.

I mean real real love. Is rare and hard to find. No infatuatzion or liking a lot or lust. I mean real deep love.
It don't go to third stage and die. pfff! This is never true love.
But I don't think is George Clooney have with this woman Stasy. No! I don't even think is relationship. Is like business to me and most people say the same thing. And he maybe one day see some body he likes. He will know straight away. But maybe no.

I works in salon coiffeur for ladies the hair. And my clientele they tells me every day the gossips when read magazines. No one believes George is real relationships with Stasy. With Elisa Canalis is was many clients no sure. They say to me always, " lorenzo, you think George Clooney gay?" I say, "hahahaha. I wish!!"
But I no think so. And is for sure something in chemistry between the ladies he chooses for escorting to papparazzi is no real to most people. George he seem no glow of love. More like no have blood in veins and bored in photos with these womens Stasy & before.