What would George Clooney do? Problem page from Ask Men

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The wise George Clooney once said: “I'm certainly the last person to give advice on, well, anything.” Luckily, Ryan McKee is here to give advice on his behalf.

Three years ago, my wife and I moved from Los Angeles to New York City. I told all my friends they have a couch to crash on if they visit. Unfortunately, they all came this summer. The constant stream of visitors has really annoyed my wife. She is demanding that we have no more house guests for awhile, but more friends are coming this month and expecting to crash. What would George Clooney do?

- Amateur Bed & Breakfast

Dear B&B Hobbyist,

This is a new twist on the timeless bros versus hos argument. I cannot help but think that you wouldn't be in this situation if you'd simply followed George Clooney's example of refusing to marry. That isn't your question though.

Channel Clooney constitution
Your open-door policy is worthy. George Clooney would be proud. In celebrity circles, The Great Clooney is admired as much for his hosting talent as his acting. His Los Angeles bachelor pad is often a flophouse for pals. Unfortunately, you live in a New York refrigerator box instead a 7,354-square foot hacienda.

A great host is aware of needs of both his house guests and his fellow hostess. Right now, you're dropping the ball on your hostess. The selflessness you're showing house guests is canceled out by the selfishness toward your wife. George Clooney always looks out for house guests, but he never does so at the expense of others.

Clooney up
Twenty years ago, George Clooney could have been in a similar predicament. He and his ex-wife, Talia, were both struggling actors and didn't have money for a huge place with guest bedrooms. Knowing that The Great George used to be a slob like one of us should help you feel better.

If Clooney had an onslaught of summer house guests and an angry wife, he would first tackle his lady situation. Why? Because it's simple, and you’ll do better having her on your side. All he'd say to her is: "I'm sorry. I should have put you first this summer." He keeps perfect eye contact while saying it and wrinkles his forehead sheepishly. Women expect us to screw up and love it when we check our egos and apologize.

One problem down, he begins asking New York acquaintances if they're vacationing soon. "Hey, let me watch your place for you," he'd say. "Water your plants, feed the cat. Don't worry about it. I need a break from my birdhouse." Followed, of course, by his patient smirk.

George Clooney would definitely have enough contacts after living in the city three years to make that happen. In fact, he'd find himself watching a houseboat on the Hudson River for free. Since you probably don't know as many people as Clooney, try getting on Craigslist and look for people who have empty places and need a pet sitter. If that fails, New Yorkers also sublet their places for a week or even a few days. You can negotiate a good price for your buddies.

Your bros will understand. That's the code -- putting up with inconveniences to help a bro keep his ho happy. It's the big stuff that matters more. Your wife will be happy you're putting her first. And, on the plus side, you can now use the guilt angle to stay out all night with your buddies.

closing clooney thought
Think of this problem in Michael Clayton terms. Right now, you need to be Michael Clayton, who is a professional "fixer." Clayton fixes his $75,000 to the mafia, fakes his own death and brings down the bad guys. Your problem isn't so bad. Don't end up like Tom Wilkinson's character, who suffered a mental breakdown and was murdered.

Got a question for George Clooney? Well, we can’t help you out with that. We can, however, ask Ryan McKee, AskMen’s resident George Clooney Expert. Send your questions to [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].

A Sordid Past

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I’m 32 years old, and before now, I never wanted a serious relationship. I always found prostitutes satisfied any needs I had. Now I see my friends having families, and I want that too. I’ve dated a few women recently, but I start to feel guilty about my past and stop calling them. If they knew my sexual history, they’d hate me. Can you tell me what George Clooney would do?

Not Eliot Spitzer

Dear John,

To answer your coital quandary, let’s first unearth your inner Clooney. Don’t worry, he’s there. Just dig past all the inner Hugh Grant you’ve piled on top.

Channel Clooney constitution
Forgive yourself for your illicit decade of decadence and move forward. Right now, you’re letting the past immobilize your attempts to try a healthy committed adult relationship.

You want a family, so it’s time to enter into a new chapter in your life. At 32 years old (that’s 58 in actor years), Clooney only had a series of forgettable roles, B-Movies and failed sitcoms on his resume. A year later, however, he got ER and started his new chapter as a superstar. ER did not turn everyone in the cast into an A-lister (remember Noah Wyle?), but Clooney became a superstar because he let go of his past failures and believed he deserved superstardom. You need to believe you deserve a girlfriend who isn’t named Cinnamon.

Clooney up
It’s not hard to imagine George Clooney in your position. He doesn’t have a history littered with prostitutes, but his romantic track record is not becoming of his stature. He’s divorced, and his cocktail waitress/reality star ex-girlfriend, Sarah Larson, is not worthy. But that didn’t stop him from getting top-notch, Italian supermodel tail, Elisabetta Canalis.

George Clooney doesn’t dwell on his shortcomings because he knows that is what Clooney needed to do at that moment. He needed to make a mistake to learn something or needed to date a Fear Factor contestant for perspective. You needed to only “date” sex workers for a decade to discover yourself. Sure, it’s an odd path, but only you can truly judge it.

If you’ve given up soliciting prostitutes, a girlfriend or wife doesn’t need to know your entire sexual history. Trust me, you don’t want to know every detail of her past either. Sometimes the truth gets in the way of living. Tell her the things you’re comfortable with and don’t beat yourself up. If you don’t appear guilty, she won’t view you that way. After all, women love a man with a little dark mystery.

Closing Clooney thought
Picture your life as the film O Brother, Where Art Thou? Which character do you want to be? Obviously Ulysses Everett McGill, George Clooney’s character. Though he’s a criminal, Everett is infinitely cooler and more interesting than the dorky guy who tries and fails to steal his wife. The lesson is that women will choose an exciting guy with a spotty past over a boring goody-goody any day.

Got a question for George Clooney? Well, we can’t help you out with that. We can, however, ask Ryan McKee, AskMen’s resident George Clooney Expert. Send your questions to [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].